Volume Control

You know, sometimes it's nice to wear hearing aids. Yes, most of the time it's a pain; while they do enable me to hear, it's not perfect. Especially in loud situations like a restaurant, or a meeting where several people are talking. But last night it came in handy. I was on my way to a Ride for Kids meeting (I'm on the Task Force helping to plan the event), and stopped in at the Ben Yehuda kosher pizza shop to grab some dinner. The meetings are in Maryland, so while it's a pain to schlep out there, at least I get to have a choice of a few kosher places. Anyway, it was someone's birthday, so there were about 20 kids (maybe in the 7-10 year old range) running around, screaming, etc. I just turned off my hearing aids and enjoyed my book and calzone.

Come to think of it, this came in handy earlier as well. I'd turn my hearing aids down when in the car with my parents, reading my book as we went various places. It was so bad that just before I turned 16, I realized I didn't know how to get ANYWHERE, so need to put the book down and watch where we were going. One time I also turned my hearing aids down (or off) when my mother was scolding me for something I did (I have no idea what it was now...). Once she realized what happened, oy, I got a double lecture! (and she made sure my hands didn't get anywhere near the aids) :-) Hmmm, maybe I should write about the other ways I tormented my poor mother...

The Niddah Difference

Since most of you probably aren't familiar with Deaf culture, let me begin by explaining that the Deaf community is a very touchy (physically) community. I've heard various reasons for this. Part of it seems to be the loss of one sense, sound; so we make it up by using more of another sense, in this case touch. There are lots of hugs, pats, nudges, etc. Another reason for this is that we, of course, can't hear. Say you need to get by John Doe, but he's in your way. A simple "excuse me" won't do much good, it's noisy and his hearing aids are overwhelmed (or he can't hear anything at all). How do you get by? Sometimes it only takes a light tap on the shoulder, sometimes it's a little bit more of a moving of the other person's body (giving a slight push to the side, or putting hands on the shoulder and moving them over a little). Now, all this isn't to say that the Deaf are a community of people constantly groping at each other, not by a long shot. But I've seen that people who aren't comfortable with touching are often unnerved when around a lot of Deaf people. For Deaf folks though, this is the norm.

Now let's add in the Jewish concept of Niddah. Ah, now things become more complex! I see this often with one rabbi I know. He's a Baal Tushvia, a hearing, religious son of deaf, non-religious parents. But he's very active in the deaf community. I sometimes see that he makes a slight move, as if he is about to hug someone, then suddenly remembers and stops himself.

That's the general picture. Now it's on to my own experiences. Before we were married, my wife (modern orthodox her whole life, also deaf) and I really didn't get into a deep discussion on Niddah issues; and after the wedding, sort of fumbled a bit to figure it all out. During the times of Niddah, we still touched to alert each other to things, plus a quick hug hello and good bye, and after a, shall we say, heated discussion, to signal that we are okay again.

But as I began to become more religious myself, we started re-evaluating things, and decided to try and completely keep from touching during this time period. There were some small challenges. For example, I could no longer just tap on her shoulder if I wanted her attention and she didn't have her hearing aids on. Instead, I would now stomp on the floor (for the vibrations), or reach around and wave to her if I was close enough. Those were easily overcome.

No, the place where I noticed it took the most analyzing and adjusting, for me, was the "after heated discussion hug." I came to realize that I was using this as a crutch to calm my wife (and myself) down. Maybe even unfairly. It seemed that if I hugged her tight enough, or long enough, the tears would soon dry up and she'd be feeling better. But now there were times I couldn't give the hug. Now what to do??

I soon learned that when the occasional flare ups would occur (nothing MAJOR, just the usual issues here and there that all married couples with active kids face) that I would need to talk and discuss the issue completely in full length and depth until it was truly resolved for both of us, and we were both feeling better. While this approach takes much longer than the "hug-the-problem-away," I think the solution we come up with is better and longer lasting, not another temporary patch. Now even when it's not a period of Niddah, we do spend more time talking about the issues in detail until they really are resolved, and only then do we close things up with a hug. (After all, they are still nice!)

So why is it?

Why is it that during Shabbat and Yom Tovs, when I can't write anything down, that I get a bunch of great ideas for things to blog about? Seriously, I remember that during the Seder, I thought of something I wanted to write about. What it was is now a total blank. Same thing happened during the Shabbat Chol Hamoed. As my wife well knows, if I'm in the middle of saying something, or even thinking something, and I'm interrupted, the train of thought goes way out, and sometimes can never be found again. In fact, in American Sign Language, there is a great sign expression for this type of thing, called "Train-Gone-Sorry." Usually it is signed if you come in the middle or end of a conversation, and people aren't going to repeat the whole thing for you. But in my case it means the thought has left the station, no calling it back now.

It's so bad that if I'm in bed, or out somewhere, and think of something that I want to save, I usually pull out my trusty Treo 600 and shoot myself an e-mail. It reminds me of how one of my school teachers said that Socrates (I think??) thought that writing should be abolished, because it weakened people's memories.

Anyway, I hope I'll be able to remember the things I wanted to write about. If not, I'm sure some new inspirations will come.

Hello World!

I don't know if that's the standard opening line for a Blog, but as a former computer programmer, that's the standard opening line for me.

Anyway, I'm still trying to get this whole blogging thing figured out (e.g. how to get it all set up the way I want), so please excuse any construction mess you may see.

So, who am I and why the long name?

The name is Jewish Deaf Motorcycling Dad (JDMDad for short). I tried to think of the things that make up who I am and what I am. A lot of people define themselves by their jobs, or specific field. "Hi, I'm Joe, and I'm a mechanic." That's nice, but WHO are you, really? So I tried to think of who I really am, what makes up my core elements, at least as of March 21th, 2007.

The answers, in no specific order (well, the order that sounded best when I verbalized the 4 terms):

Jewish: Born and raised Jewish. Now becoming more and more observant of my religion. I don't know if I'd label myself as "Orthodox" or Baal Teshuva yet, but I'm heading in that direction. Keeping kosher, observing Shabbos, etc.

Deaf: Well, there are varying degrees of deafness. With hearing aids on, I can actually hear pretty well. Not that I would ever pass for a hearing person. But it definitely has made its mark on me. Especially when my company (and work will NOT be a focus of this blog) has problems with scheduling an interpreter.

Motorcycling: After I graduated from college, I finally went out and
learned how to ride, then got myself a bike. (note the order!) I'm
very active (sometimes too active) in several motorcycle groups, including a Deaf motorcycle group, and a Jewish motorcycle group. At first I was going to use the term "Biker" but that has too many negative connotations. Plus you'd probably imagine someone in leather, riding a chopper, no helmet, etc. Definitely an incorrect image.

Dad: The biggest and best change of my life came when my first daughter poked her head out and said "WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" I now have two daughters, and now fully understand why you never get between a mama bear and her cubs.


Why a blog? I've been reading some other blogs, mostly Jewish related, and posting some comments. But I started to have a little bit of blog envy and wanted to give it a whirl myself.

Why an anonymous blog? Really, I'm more than willing to be open about who I am. But my wife is concerned about the crazies out there. So I agreed to try to do this anonymously. With two little girls, I understand her feelings on this, and since I don't want to endanger my kids or my marriage, this is it. Thus the kids will be getting alternate names for the blog (and my wife picked one for herself as well). I'm sure within a month I'll be totally confused and calling them by the wrong name to the dinner table, earning strange looks from the kids and my wife. I'm also pretty confident that if anyone who knows me in "real life" looks at this blog, they'll peg me in a minute. That's fine. Just don't pop out and give the info to everyone else, m'kay?

The names of my girls (in chronological order) start with a T, then an A. So after my second one was given her name, for a few days, I used to refer to them as "T & A." Then I thought about that hard for a minute, and no longer use that term.

My oldest daughter (Currently 3 something) is Tikvah.
My youngest (currently 2) is Ahava.
My lovely wife (age is irrelevant if I want to survive) is Laya.

And I'm your host, JDMDad, Jewish Deaf Motorcycling Dad.

The things that I have in mind to write (some have already been written, and are just floating around my computer with no place to go yet) cover my 4 identity points, some separately, and some in combination with others. And of course some things will just be totally off the top of my head. How often will I post? Will this be one of those many deserted blogs? I don't know. I'm figuring this out as I go along. (Literally! I have a copy of Brad Hill's "Blogging for Dummies" next to me, and several "Blogger.com" help pages open as I type this).